A Scrunchie for Thy Gum
by vaude.renz
Summary: Erik has taken Christine's scrunchie. Christine has taken his gum. A dispute has arisen. Along with the cast and crew...mix in Jack Sparrow, Matrix, Spiderman...some more. And you have a parody that's FUN! FUN! FUN!


**A/N: **This is just a parody of the Phantom of the Opera. Based on this little thing a friend and I had. He took my scrunchie, I took his gum. XD. Anyway, there will be other movies within this one...pretty interesting. Check it out.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the characters...except maybe for Jane and Therese. )**  
**

**A Scrunchie For Thy Gum**

**Chapter 1 **

The room was darkened and the only light was from the billowing "flame" on stage. Red and black colors filled the stage while dancers passionately held each other under the bridge. Only two figures could be clearly seen and heard. The music was powerful and sinister as Erik's and Christine's voice rang throughout the theater. Their voices building with more and more vigor as it reached the climax.

_Past the point of no return,_

_The final threshold,_

Christine had her back into Erik's chest, his hands gliding gently on her neck.

_The bridge is crossed so stand and watch it burn,_

_We've passed the point of no return._

The duet ended perfectly and was harmonized to the last note, and the music smoothed out into a perfect alliance of ending notes. Erik ran his hands along the nape of Christine's neck and moved his mouth to her ear. He began to sing as the music started into a soft and sensual melody. Erik's powerful voice was deep and rich, although under the surface the emotions were bursting forth.

_Say you'll share with me one love,_

_One lifetime,_

_Lead me, _

_Save me from my solitude._

Erik reached into his breast pocket and withdrew a small golden ring band, embedded into the ring were seven minuscule diamonds. He held his hands around Christine and she took it and placed it upon her left ring finger. Her head rested on Erik's shoulder as her arms snaked up his neck and began to run through his hair. Erik continued his soul reaching song.

_Say you want me with you,_

_Here beside you._

His voice raised to its full extent and the theater echoed with the magnificence of Erik's note.

_Anywhere,_

_You go let me go too._

_Christine,_

The audience knew by this point that something was wrong; Don Juan had called Amnita, Christine. Her name confused them, but they were held in awe by the pair on the bridge. They could care less.

_That's all I…_

_Ask of……_

Christine had her hand near the edge of the black leather mask that covered Erik's face, and before he finished his phrase, Christine calmly pulled it off with her delicate fingers. She did not know the crowd's reaction would be so hurtful to Erik and he turned her around and he faced Christine with a fiery and pained glare. There were gasps, yells, and screams all throughout the theater. The facial expression that Erik had upon his face was enough for Christine's heart to ache with regret, she did not want to shame him, she only wanted to look at his true appearance. Not the one that hid behind a mask. Before a word was uttered from Chrstine's lips, Erik grasped her roughly around the waist and pulled a sword out of its sheath, that was tied to his waist. He looked around and saw the rope on the railing, With one quick swipe, the rope was cut.

The chandelier began to shake and the lights began to flicker, below the people were screaming. The two owners of the opera began to panic as the big masterpiece began to shake more violently, near the ceiling cracks began to form and the chandelier fell a few feet. The audience were all trying to scramble out the door, with the mass confusion no one knew where to go. Upon the bridge the two figures were there, the taller one grabbed the rope and a board opened up below their feet, the pair fell down. Down into the billowing flames.

At that moment the grand fixture swung low and over the crowd, and finally crashing into the curtains upon the stage. The red theater curtains instantaneously erupted into flames. Big red and orange flames engulfed the thick fabric. The fire monster spread quickly throughout the top of the stage, and the audience panicked, some were already trampled from the stampede of human bodies. Others were just trying to save their lives.

Another brave young soul sitting up in Box Five, Raoul, climbed down from his box and went in search for Madame Giry, he wanted to know where the phantom had taken Christine. All the chaos around him made finding the elderly woman quite difficult. When he dashed behind stage, he spotted Carlotta on the floor, crying. Her body was grasping her dead lover, Piangi. Raoul turned his thoughts to finding Christine, he could not give his sympathy in a time like this. He searched for Madame Giry or Meg in the backstage, and when he finally saw an old woman with her hair in a braid, Raoul's heart skipped a beat. His legs never carried him faster than they did in that moment of time, Raoul reached her in less than five seconds. When he was staring into her eyes, Giry knew that this young man loved Christine. "Where did he take her?" Raoul spoke hurriedly.

Madame Giry glanced warily at her daughter and told her to try and control the crowd. She then pulled Raoul to the side and told him in a hushed tone, "Follow me, I will take you to him."

"Thank you, Madame Giry," the young Vicomte said.

* * *

Deep down below the opera, away from the fire and mass bodies of screaming humans, a angered voice could be heard. Erik pulled Christine forcefully and painfully through his labyrinth of stone halls. "Down once more to the dungeons of my black despair! Down we plunge to the prison of my mind! Down that path into darkness deep as Hell!" The last word echoed in the morose underground chambers. Christine whimpered as Erik's clasp on her wrist tightened. She was quite pissed herself and this had gone to far. It was for love. Love, that she pulled the mask off. She loved him, that is why she even put on the ring. Love. And now this, pulling her painfully along, it just would not do. Christine looked at Erik's black pants and saw a package of his favorite gum sticking out. She glared up at Erik who kept on singing his pained sorrow, and Christine rolled her eyes. She reached her delicate fingers out and plucked the package out of his pocket with the gracefulness of a cat. The package of gum was put into an inner pocket of her dress.

The pair finally reached Erik's lair and he pushed Christine forcefully against the wall and gazed into her eyes, "WHY? WHY?" He shook her shoulders and there were tears brimming in his eyes.

* * *

Madame Giry and Raoul were descending down the stairs, deeper into the belly of the opera. The voice of the elderly woman as she sang rang eerily in the darkness, "Your hand at the level of your eye." She peered over at Raoul and sighed, "NO!" Madame Giry stopped and walked up to Raoul and yanked his arm, "That is not at the level of your eyes." She corrected him and accidentally poked him in his eyes. The blonde haired beauty yelled angrily, "OUGH! Watch it you menopausal woman!"

Madame Giry whacked him on the side of the head, "That is no way to talk to your superior!" Their yells could have been heard a mile away.

Raoul scoffed and glared evilly at her, "Superior? Do not make me laugh, I have more money than you ever will."

"Watch it pretty boy, it will not be my fault when Erik performs the Punjab lasso on you." Her eyebrows arched in mock amusement.

Raoul narrowed his eyes and furrowed his brow, "I will kill that bastard before he even lays a hand on me."

"Right," the word was saturated with sarcasm, and with that she gave him one final push down the stairs and she herself ascended up the stairs.

Raoul grumbled incoherently and began to gallop down the stairs. His footsteps made a hollow noise as he went down each step. The musky cool breeze began to pick up as he descended further and further down. Raoul tried his best to keep his arm at the level of his eyes, but he thought it was stupid and useless. As he thought how stupid and useless the task to keep your arm up, he did not seen the small outline of a trap door. The moment was too late when he did realize. His foot stepped on the stone, and he fell through. With only seconds his hands gripped the edges of the small hole. He hoisted himself up as best as he could and rested on his arms, and his legs dangled below him. _What have I gotten myself into? _Raoul did not want to fall and die. A shadowy figure started to walk down the stairs, Raoul squinted his eyes and looked into the "light". A man was coming towards him, and he did not recognize him, five more steps and the mystery man would be where Raoul was, he stopped one step in front of Raoul.

The man looked down on him and grinned. Raoul stuttered out, "Thank God you are here, help me up will you."

Their was a chuckle and the man merely whispered, "You have to let go."

"I WILL DO NO SUCH THING!" Raoul's voice squeaked at the end, as if he were just experiencing puberty.

"You have to, as director of this movie, Joel Schumacher, you must let go."

"What movie? This is not movie!"

"I am afraid it is, and it is in the script, you must let go."

Raoul's voice became whiny and childish, "But I don't wanna!"

The man put a finger to his eye and acted like he wiped a tear away, "Awww, I shed a tear. Let go!"

"NO!"

"Fine, if you do not let go, I will have to make you."

"Just try it! I am a big boy."

Joel smiled sardonically and lifted his foot and jammed it down on Raoul's fingers. There was a blood curling scream and Raoul let go. On his way down you could only here curses of revenge and angry words. Joel slapped his hands together, "Okay, back to my chair." He skipped up the stairs with a gleeful look upon his face. His face then became dark, "WHERE'S THAT COFFEE BOY WITH MY LATTE???"

"Sir, Gerard is in a scene."

"COFFEE!! NOW!!!"

An assistant director ran over and placed a hand on Joel's shoulder, and grasped it firmly. "SIR!"

Joel whipped around and glared evilly at the young man, "You will not use that tone of voice with me!"

"But sir, a scene is on."

"WHAT SCENE?" His face soon realized what scene it was. And then realized that Raoul was not as strong as he appeared to be, and needed special effects team to actually open the booby (heh, boobies, Joel thought) trap. "Oh...that scene." Joel was still pondering about boobies and how low a dress could actually go, and his face had a distant look to it.

"Sir?"

"Boo...ks. I need books!"

"On how to open booby traps?"

Joel snapped his fingers, "Yes, BOOOB...by traps."

The assistant director arched his brow, "But sir the special effects team is already down there. They just need your approval."

"Oh." Joel thought in his mind, _what would he look like with implants? Hmmm..._

"Sir?"

"HMMM!"

"We need your approval now, I think Raoul is too busy looking at his muscles. Even though he is weak."

"Okay, let's go." He waved a sign of approval to the special effects team and then called over the helper boy. "Johnny, I want you to go get two water balloons and a bra. I want to try them on, on my assistant."

"Sir?" the assistant looked in fear. "I'm a man."

Joel pondered this for a second. "Johnny, forget what I just told you. Fire him and go get me the two girls from Hooters last night!"

Johnny glanced up at Joel, "Two? Sir, there were more than two."

"Oh, okay then. Get the biggest one?"

"The biggest one?"

"Yes, the biggest boobies."

The assistant director piped in, "Sir, we really need to shoot that scene. Raoul is probably going to drown.

Joel instantly became sad, "Fine, keep him and let's go shoot that scene."

Johnny looked tired, "Sir? What do you want me to do now?"

As the three men walked to the scene, Joel answered, "I want my latte."

"Okay, but Gerard makes it so good. Too bad he is busy pulling Christine's hair." The helper let out a sigh.


End file.
